Dear Fantasy Football,

I hate you.  If you were an animate object, I would punch you square in the mouth. If you were a 12 year old kid, I would push you off the swing on the playground and steal your lunch money.  If you we’re a brand new Camaro, I would slash your tires, break your windows, and steal your radio… but you’re none of these things, and the fact remains… I am 0-4.

Love,

Dan Podell

Owner – Hurricane Ditka

The once all powerful ‘Canes, is no more than a pesky fly most teams just shoo off their radar.  Oh how the mighty have fallen. As you can see my latest demoralizing loss has spun me into bit of a angry spiral, but the one thing I can say I do enjoy about being this bottom of the barrel that I had not experienced before… I actually get who I want off of waivers! Welcome to the special edition, 1^st quarter Power Rankings

1^st:

Gridiron Warriors – Andy Belonger

Apparently, Belonger took my words of criticism and went out and proved me wrong and for the second time this season, Belonger breaks the 100 point mark. Now granted his other two non-hundred point games we’re on the lowest end of the spectrum, but as what’s turning into the Andrew Belonger quote of the season “a win is a win.  The Warriors are also showing they have other players on the team to step up when someone else falls (Frank Gore being a perfect example this week).  This team isn’t filled with pretty names at all, Ray Rice, Kevin Smith, Thomas Jones, the OTHER Steve Smith… but, a win is a win.   The big question now is, it seems as the RB core has started getting hit by the injury bug, and some key moves may be what it comes down to whether or not the Warriors stay up on top or fall down to mediocrity.

For second, third, and fourth, I’m fully prepared to hear criticism from all three teams… I just spent the past hour trying to figure out who should be ahead of whom but it feels like I’m playing a game of paper, scissors, and rock with all three.  The Turducken Clan has the highest point average with 85.1 but has lost to the Wackers in week 1.  The Wackers could easily be 4-0 BUT starting Bowe when he was announced as injured the day before was careless, and Durkee took the loss.  Who did he lose to? MLSP.  MLSP lost to the Warriors in week 1 but could easily be 2-2 due to the Dwayne Bowe incident.  Whew… so here we go…

2^nd:

Turducken Clan

It took long enough but I’m finally announcing Belonger’s Clan as the 2^nd best team in the BFFL.  The one loss in week 1 to God’s Wackers really puts a damper on otherwise a very impressive first quarter of the season, but since I was just arguing the fact that Durkee could be 4-0, you can’t hold it too much against the Clan for losing.  Much like Kyle’s brother, this Belonger doesn’t have that impressive of names on the team, Andre Johnson is obviously the face of the Clanchise, but after that who is the big name? Benson is showing he is for real and I’m happy for him. Sims-Walker has found his way starting over Anquan Boldin.  Brent Celek is proving that LJ Smith is just a thing of the past.  These aren’t your typical fantasy football names, but dammit, their the reason I’m giving the Clan the number 2 slot.

3^rd:

Magnum PI

BFFL Championship caliber team, this most definitely is.  Peyton Manning is having an MVP type year. Pennington going down for the season rose Ronnie Brown’s stock up so high the economy just got a little better.  Fate would have it that the pick before PI in the draft would go towards Slaton, landing DeAngelo Williams in PI’s lap. Dallas Clark, hands down the number 1 TE in the league.  I still believe that they should have lost to the Wackers in week 3, but again, a win is a win.  I know this is only a quarterly report, but I fully expect this team to be in the BFFL Championship for the first time in it’s franchises history.

4th:

God’s Tallywackers

Yes, I said this team should be 4-0, but I’m about to trademark the line before Andy can… A win is a win, and win, the Wackers didn’t vs. PI.  I’m not going to reward the Wackers for stupidity and unfortunately, that’s the reason I move him down to the number 4 slot.  The overall was just too great for me to place the Wackers over PI, and although I personally like Durkee’s team better than Christensens’, the facts remain the same: 1) PI has a higher point average than the Wackers 2) PI beat the Wackers.  Another thing that ultimately scares me with Durkee’s team is the lack of depth.  With Moss, Slaton, Rodgers, and Bowe in the starting line up, this team is scary… but that being said, we’re already seeing injuries build up around the team (although none too major), and with the big bye weeks coming up for the team, there is a serious issue of lack of depth.

5^th:

Blue Steelers

I see eyebrows raising, especially from the two teams that have a better record than those 1-3 teams, but I see the Steelers and I see one of the best teams in the league… by FAR.  But, due to match up problems, difficult starting line up decisions, and just a few little mistakes, the Steelers are 1-3 rather than 2-2 or even 3-1.  Yes, Pleuss is 1-3, but consider this, of the three times that the Steelers have lost, at least two could have been massacres going for the Steelers.  Also, Pleuss has had the 1^st quarter schedule from hell.  Of the three times Pluess’ Blue Steel have lost, the total record for the opponents adds up to 10-2. As I also said, add in a few little things and some starting changes, the team is 2-2 or 3-1.  Need more proof that the Steelers should be ranked as high as I put them? The Steelers are projected to beat the Gamers this week. By A LOT. WITH 6 BYES ON HIS TEAM! Well, at least for this week, Dave won’t have any hard decisions to make.

6^th:

Kep’s Mob Squad

Sixth place really could go either way with Kep or Bry’s Gamer’s as I feel they are very similar, but I will give it to Kep’s Mob Squad because their was the heartache game for Pete in week two, and also the higher point average goes to the Squad.  The team is pretty on paper. Lots of hype, tons of big names, great potential, so why is the team that we feared going into draft day at a mere 2-2?  To be quite frank, I’m not even sure, and now with injuries slowly building up around the team, the next few weeks could be very interesting for the Squad, the good thing for the Squad is the team has the depth to fill any injuries that have come their way so far.  I loved the Julius Jones trade and I still think feel Pete just got away with Murder over in Maine.  Again, the teams just kind of floating there, and I’m not entirely sure why.

7^th:

Bry’s Gamers

This team looks like something out of a Tim Burton movie.  Joe Flacco is doing better than Brady. Pierre Thomas is the starting RB as Marshawn Lynch is only now coming back from being in trouble.  Weed fanatic Percy Harvin has become Judas’ number 1 target thus making him a surprise impressive rookie. The fact that you have a TOUGH decision at the defensive spot because the 49ers are the number 1 D and the Eagles are the 4^th is mind boggling. Top names Brady, Forte, Edwards, have yet to impress.  I honestly don’t know what to say…  the Gamers have clearly lucked out on most of the current starters and should they happen to fail, the fact remains the BIG names are there to help out if needed!

8^th:

Seal Clubbers

The Clubbers are on a two-game skid, and I don’t think they are out of the woods quite yet. Big bye weeks for big names come up in the following weeks, and lack of depth could keep them out of the spotlight until the hurricane of bye weeks passes on.  Solid performance players in the starting roster though, you can’t take that away.  Rivers is having a career season and Brandon Marshall is showing he was certainly worth the wait.  The big question remains at the RB spot with Turner and Chris Johnson, it seems like they always need a big day out of at least one of the two to get that win. Maybe with Marshall proving himself, it won’t be as large of a concern and the weight won’t entirely be on the 1-2 RB’s shoulders.

9^th:

MLSP

MLSP, I feel your pain.  A few heartbreaks, a few tough decisions and a whole lot of losses, at the same time though, you left me at the bottom by myself… so screw off! Really not much to say about the Pets, other than hopefully with McNabb back and new addition Glen Coffee as a temporary solution, MLSP can get back on their feet and head back north of the equator.  Thanks to the win over the ‘Canes, the Pets still have a very real chance at a playoff push.  Key moves will be the deciding factor on whether or not the Pets make it through or not, and with Natey still floundering the bottom, the cream of the FA crop will come to him first.

10^th:

Hurricane Ditka

I suck. Leave me alone.